DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a longtime friend who considers herself to be very well-mannered. She writes her thank-you notes on cards and mails them, while I send mine by email.
When I tell her that she doesn’t have to thank me by hand, she says, “My mother taught me to always do it that way.” Of course, this makes me feel “inferior” because of my thank you email.
When she visits me, she always brings a gift. It’s very thoughtful, even though it’s usually something I don’t need. I still appreciate the gesture.
She knows that my guest room and bathroom are equipped for the use and comfort of my guests. However, when she takes a shower, she only dries herself with the towel. At home, she uses a bath towel.
I guess she thinks it’s somehow more polite not to soil a bath towel but to make do with a hand towel. I don’t say anything about it, but it feels like an insult to me. I try to provide everything to make a guest feel at home. How should I deal with this?
DEAR READER: Oops! Miss Manners was about to reprimand you for criticizing your friend’s good manners, and even imply that you were doing so to justify your own lower standards. Take that!
But then she got to the part with the towel.
What was your friend thinking? Giving up the pleasant feeling of dryness to save you the trouble of washing a larger towel?
OK, that’s bordering on rude. It suggests that hospitality is a burden for you, to the extent that you understand the inconvenience a guest may experience.
There’s not much you can do about it without giving the impression that your guest doesn’t bathe. (Then again, maybe she doesn’t.) Just keep providing towels — and maybe make it clear, “These are for your use.”
***
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; to your email, [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
