A woman sparked controversy on the Internet when she talked about how her husband handles housework.
The woman, known online as u/bloody-smashing, posted a picture on Reddit of a particularly cluttered dishwasher that her husband had haphazardly loaded. The post, in which she humorously questioned whether her husband’s attempts to clean was grounds for “divorce,” has been upvoted more than 8,900 times, with many Reddit users supporting the woman’s facetious complaint.
The image, which shows a collection of cutlery stacked in an extremely chaotic manner in the dishwasher, has struck a chord with many who struggle with conflict over household chores. The post was captioned: “Is this grounds for divorce? Does anyone else empty the dishwasher like this?” In response, the comments were full of users expressing their sympathy and sharing anecdotes about similar problems in their own homes. Newsweek I reached out to u/bloody-smashing on Reddit for more information.
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The woman had made it clear in her post that she had not asked her husband to empty the dishwasher or clean the kitchen.
“I didn’t even ask him to empty the drawer. When I opened it, all I found was this abomination,” she said.
Newsweek I reached out to u/bloody-smashing on Reddit for more information.
The snapshot of the overflowing dishwasher serves as a cheerful introduction to a more serious discussion about the division of labor in the household.
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“At least half of the couples I see for therapy argue about housework,” said licensed marriage and family therapist Renée Zavislak Newsweek. “Although these disputes are often as much about power and respect as they are about housework, the fact remains that most couples have conflicts over the division of housework.”
Zavislak noted that mediating these disputes is complex, saying that there are often discrepancies between partners’ perceptions of their own contributions.
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“When it comes time to talk about the facts in therapy, partners rarely agree,” she said.
To apply more objective standards, the therapist referred to a tool developed in Sweden called the “Checklist for Gender Equality in Everyday Life.” It lists all household chores, from washing dishes to changing diapers, and each partner can assess who does which task and how often.
Each partner in the relationship is asked to rate themselves and their better half on task frequency, which provides a clearer, if sometimes controversial, picture of task distribution.
“The checklists surprise both partners and give us a much more concrete basis for assessing equity,” Zavislak said, adding that such tools and charts can help promote more equitable household dynamics.
She added: “As you can imagine, there are often discrepancies in ratings. For example, some partners may claim they ‘always’ do something that the other believes they do ‘sometimes.’ But even in these cases, the checklists surprise both partners and give us a much more concrete basis for assessing fairness.”
The Reddit post and subsequent discussion underscore the general shift toward recognizing the importance of shared domestic responsibilities. While the original post may have been written in jest, the response it provoked underscores the pervasive nature of the problem and the need for practical solutions.
“Straight to jail,” wrote one user, u/ronny_rebellion.
Another, u/justinr8, added: “It’s that kind of cleaning that’s like, ‘Oh shit, they’re coming over in 20 minutes,’ but since you’re already married, it feels lazy.”
“Like someone who was raised by wolves and then released into civilization?” shared a third user, u/quick_woodpecker_346.
Have you noticed any warning signs that have caused you to end a relationship? Let us know at [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice and your story could appear on Newsweek.
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